The Usually Awesome Vienna Blog

So, we've got a four day weekend, and I'm only slightly tempted to waste it doing nothing. Vienna beckons, see. After eating a breakfast that consisted of leftover pizza (B-) and organic-bought sausage (A+!) I headed to the subway, and decided to take it as far as I could go. I'm in the west, so I headed southeast, jumping from the U6 to the U3.

Hey Ladies

Thus far, I've gathered that what the cool kids do on the subway is take out a book and read while they're waiting, so that's what I did. But just writing about the subway reminds me of a conversation I had with my roommate, Cameron.

See, Cameron was really curious about how to approach girls in Vienna. He first learned how to say "You're beautiful" in German (it's "Ich esse schlechten Käse", right?). But apparently, the American method of the guy approaching the girl and making conversation is NOT acceptable in Austria (according to Google). So, what are you supposed to do if you're a guy who wants female attention? Well, apparently, virtually nothing. You wait for the girls to approach YOU.

Okay, so that's very progressive. I mean, I'm not single, so I'm not going to have to worry about it, but it seems cool enough.

But wait - how do you get them to approach you, Cameron?

Well, apparently, you just got to look them in the eyes. Yup. Just meet their gaze, and they'll know (Google's a refutable source, right?). Supposedly, that's the method. You look at her, she looks back at you, this song plays: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ittPgavgpY], and then you have a conversation. Easy as pie.

... Of course, since the guys know you have to meet the gaze of a girl to get her attention, won't that lead to a lot of awkward staring? I mean, I wouldn't want to have to stare at a girl's face until she finally looks at me just to get the option of a date.

Maybe the Viennese know something we don't.

Well, anyways, the point of this apparent method of Austrian dating is that you'll know a girl is interested if she keeps trying to catch your eye. Thing is, while on the subway, I just became massively paranoid, because now that I know this dating method... EVERY SINGLE TIME a girl or woman looks at me, I have to think to myself - AM I BEING HIT ON?

It happened on the subway again and again. SO MANY GLANCES. SO MANY EYES. STOP HITTING ON ME!

GIRLS, I'M TAKEN!

WHY DID I HAVE TO BE SUCH AN IRRESISTABLE STUD?!?!

The Wanderer

Left: Quite a thriller. I found this piece of graffiti... well, somewhere in southwest Vienna, but there's also one not far from my apartment in Kandlgasse. I'm assuming that there are several more Michael Jacksons hiding around here, and they're part of one big spooky treasure hunt.

Anyways.

I emerged from the subways with my book gripped tightly to my chest as a defensive mechanism against all these girls. It had gotten really hot, and I bought a drink and a donut. The lady seemed slightly confused when I purchased the donut, as if maybe I was supposed to order something else with or on it, but I got too tongue-tied to really ask what.

I determined myself to eat the donut while walking in as straight a line as I could, and to not stop until I had finished said donut.

When I finished it, I found myself in a rather barren area, where a lot of construction was going on. The picture I took of it can be seen at the top of this page. It looked like they were building a bunch of office buildings on one side of the space, and clearing room for a parking lot or something on the other side.

To be honest, I was sort of taken off guard by the construction. I'm not sure why, but something about Vienna seems so preserved that it felt almost strange to see new things being built. I mean, I've seen construction literally every day I've been in Vienna, it's unavoidable. But everything I've seen has been reconstruction - of St. Stephen's Church, for example, or various other old buildings. But then, I am way on the edge of town.

Also, these streets are impressively clean. Clean and uncracked. Sure, they're probably pretty new, but it's impressing me nonetheless.

I decided I needed some more greenery, so followed the treeline and came across a park with a great big pond. Kids were playing in the water; adults were lying on the grass or reading on the benches. I joined them, and very nearly finished my reading of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. After that, I followed the edge of the park back to a mains street where I ate at a cafe and caught up on the news.

Apparently, Trump is stirring up trouble. Again. Here's a hint, Mr. President: Nazis are bad. Really, really bad. Jesus Christ, how thick can you get?

Well anyways... I continued walking the edge of the park, and saw in the distance some old buildings that looked tourist-y enough. I waltzed on out of the green and lo and behold...

Right: OMG.

I had just accidentally discovered the Military History Museum! The big one! The one I've been hearing about since before I even came here!

Yes, I went inside, but it was getting late, and it's too huge to see in one trip. I'll talk more about it in another blog.

Now, once I got out of the Military History Museum (the Heeresgeschichtliches Museum), I got a text from my roommates asking if I wanted to eat. Well, I was a long way from home, so I had to decline, but the sun wasn't too high in the sky any more. I decided to call it a day.

It took me less than half an hour to get home, and I felt pretty accomplished about it. I read more on the subway, got back to my apartment, stretched, played some video games, made some food, and set out to write this blog.

That's the story of how I got lost in Vienna.

Next!

ACCIDENTALLY lost on purpose