The Usually Awesome Vienna Blog

For the Love of God

The monastery is an art museum in two ways. First of all, it's beautiful just in terms of its history. The architecture, the surface paintings, everything. But in addition to this, several of its big rooms serve as art exhibits, ranging from medieval all the way to modern (but who ares about modern? Ick!)

Anyways, the painting above (and zoomed-in to the right) is on the ceiling of one of these many halls, painted during the Baroque Era. It's gloriously, aggressively Catholic, showcasing all the vaguely militaristic, dramatic, sky-piercing Biblical sights that Catholics soon grew to appreciate. It also shows some Rococo influence, in terms of the puffy, fluffy pink clouds.

Right: Here's a story. It's the end of the Second World War, and the Soviets are pouring into Austria, seizing the towns and monasteries to use as bases. The quite an unsavory reputation - especially for destroying church property, given their regime's atheistic policy. But the local clergy decided to make an appeal to the religiousness of the average Russian peasant soldier, by coming in full fancy religious regalia when the occupiers arrived. The Russian soldiers didn't mind the religious motif at all, and in fact didn't destroy anything in the monastery, or fire so much as a shot.

Except for that clock on the right. One Russian soldier got drunk and fired those two shots. But only two!

Left: Can't say enough how astonished I was by the beauty of this church. In Austria, you're constantly reminded of just how old things are. In California, you're hard-pressed to find a piece of architecture older than the 20th century, but here, half a millennium stares you in the face wherever you go.

Also, I feel quite religiously inexperienced. I wanted to refill my holy water and was inches away from using their holy water. I'd say it was a divine whisper warning me away from doing that, but it was actually the teacher's assistant.

Here we go...

Well, after a few hours touring the monastery, it was time to retire the Austrian way. This meant going to a wine garden, with the Catholic canons in tow! Here is where I started making mistakes too. We got involved in a lot of political conversations, and between listening to the canon's perspectives on Trump and the bites of chocolate cake I wasn't paying attention to how much wine I was drinking. Like, at all. THey told me afterwards I said eight glasses - but I don't remember informing them of that at all.

Left: Stupid American.

Okay, so I'm an idiot. I had a lot of fun, but I think concerns over my alcoholism mixed with concerns over my diabetes, and before I knew it, I was in an ambulance. There were so many things stuck in me I couldn't count them all - and all of them a different colored!

Had I been in a better state, I probably would have told people that an ambulance is a little unnecessary. But it's on me, not them, for not explaining myself better before the drinking began. Needless to say, I had a pleasant enough stay for an hour in the hospital bed, and some very kind and concerned fellow students waited outside for my stupid ass.

Right: Hey, free health care, right?

The hospital staff was great, and seemed pretty satisfied after they just determined that I was dead-drunk instead of in diabetic shock. I can't remember too much, except I was picking at the water-thing in my wrist so much that one of the nurses came over and wrapped like twelve layers of bandage over it.

Here is where I say sorry and thank you to my professor, Kathy Stuart, my TA Joel Virgen, and any classmates who helped me out. I must be smart in some way, but tonight I was not. I was really, really not.

That's a dramatic enough story for a while.

Let's get sober..

wine and dyin'